In the spirit of Thanksgiving tomorrow, I figured I would have fun with the ESPN Playoff Machine and concoct a way in which 31 of the 32 NFL teams (sorry Browns fans, the Factory of Sadness churns on) find a way to make the playoffs. And to make this especially sunny for each team, each scenario linked will contain the highest seed possible for the team in question, as well as maximum misery for their division rivals.
- Bills: #1 seed, rest of AFC East misses playoffs
- Dolphins: #1 seed, rest of AFC East misses playoffs
- Patriots: #1 seed at 14-2, rest of AFC East misses playoffs, rest of AFC no better than 9-7
- Jets: #1 seed by winning a 10-way tie at 9-7, rest of AFC East misses playoffs
- Ravens: #1 seed, rest of AFC North with a losing record, Browns go 0-16
- Bengals: #1 seed at 9-6-1, rest of AFC North with a losing record, Browns go 0-16
- Steelers: #1 seed, rest of AFC North with a losing record, Browns go 0-16
- Texans: #1 seed, rest of AFC South at 5-11
- Colts: #1 seed, rest of AFC South at 6-10
- Jaguars: #2 seed at 8-8, rest of AFC South misses playoffs
- Titans: #1 seed, rest of AFC South at 6-10 or worse
- Broncos: #1 seed at 13-3, rest of AFC West misses playoffs, rest of AFC 8-8 or worse
- Chiefs: #1 seed at 13-3, rest of AFC West misses playoffs, rest of AFC 9-7 or worse
- Raiders [NSFA]: #1 seed at 14-2, rest of AFC 9-7 or worse, rest of AFC West misses playoffs
- Chargers: #1 seed at 10-6, rest of AFC West misses playoffs, rest of AFC 9-7 or worse
- Cowboys: #1 seed at 15-1, rest of NFC East with a losing record, rest of NFC 8-8 or worse
- Giants: #1 seed at 13-3, rest of NFC East misses playoffs, rest of NFC 9-7 or worse
- Eagles: #1 seed, rest of NFC East misses playoffs, rest of NFC 9-7 or worse
- Redskins: #1 seed at 12-3-1, rest of NFC East misses playoffs, rest of NFC 9-7 or worse
- Bears: #2 seed at 8-8, rest of NFC North misses playoffs
- Lions: #1 seed, rest of NFC North 6-10 or worse
- Packers: #1 seed, rest of NFC North misses playoffs
- Vikings: #1 seed, rest of NFC North with a losing record
- Falcons: #1 seed, rest of NFC South 6-10 or worse
- Panthers: #1 seed, rest of NFC South 6-10
- Saints: #1 seed, rest of NFC South 6-10
- Bucs: #1 seed, rest of NFC South 6-10 or worse
- Cardinals: #1 seed, rest of NFC West with a losing record
- Rams: #1 seed, rest of NFC West with a losing record
- 49ers: #6 seed at 7-9; yes, there’s still hope, Niners fans.
- Seahawks: #1 seed at 13-2-1, rest of NFC West 5-10-1 or worse, rest of NFC 9-7 or worse